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Oct. 11th, 2014

(no subject)

Mar. 22nd, 2010

(no subject)

This makes me laugh, we've all seen this commercial

Mar. 11th, 2010

poor doggy

Today I heard a heartbreaking story, about a group of teenagers who tortured and beat a poor defenseless dog. Watch as he is hung by his tail and beaten with a bat, a baseball, a garbage can and some other stuff. The camera man just sits by and laughs. These types of people are ruining our planet. This individual's name is Hamza Rézgui, and he is from Algeria.

His facebook:

A link to the horrid video (warning, might be graphic)

There's more: Several reports have been sent to ireport on CNN, only to be deleted by their mods? Why? Because they don't feel this is important.

Feb. 23rd, 2010

(no subject)

here's a poem I wrote about cheating on someone you love. I don't think that background information is exactly clear in it, even though it is relevant it is not necessary to understanding the poem, or at least I think.

This is the spot I knew
I’d hit, that
I deserved
To hit, the thud
the painful reminder
That wrong is wrong
And done is done
I dug my nails too hard
Into your back and now
And now you’re
Stabbing me
Bluntly prodding me
Again and again
Tearing open this
Hole that I created
I thought you would fill it
Back in.

I haven't titled it.

Oct. 13th, 2009

(no subject)

Today I took a walk in the rain and it was marvelous. Well, not exactly rain, but mist I guess. My friend Jeff and I walked to the park, because he wanted to see that it existed, and then CVS and to get a deck of cards so we could play some ridiculous game that he invented (or so he claimed) called Rugby... Is that even a real card game? I haven't a clue. It was fun though, I'll say that.

So I was looking at my paystubs from over the summer, and I claimed 5000 dollars (even though I made quite a bit more) and the government took 1000. That's 20% or 1 out of every 5 dollars I made. WHAT IS THIS SHIT?! I could really use that extra grand. I understand the government needs some level of taxes, but i seriously doubt they need that much. That is just insane! If it's taking roughly 20% of everyone's income, imagine what it must be doing to the economy! I understand that everyone is taxed at different rates, but holy hell! This is MY money. I don't make very much, 20 percent is huge. In fact it's huge for everyone, no matter where your income is. No wonder everything is floundering so much and all these buisnesses seem to be closing down. With 20% of my income getting sucked away like that, I can't afford to do anything. I remember about 4 years ago, when they used to take 10 percent, i thought it was a lot... Jesus. IDK, sorry for this rant, it's just annoying. IDK if I'll get anything back either... I may just end up owing more. Damnit this sucks.

Anyway, that aside, it's been raining pretty consistently down here, and I'm beginning to become accustomed to it. Apparently on Thursday, 3 days from now we're supposed to see the sun again. I am not ready, not at all. The world quieter, nicer, and more secluded behind the blanket of clouds. It's how things should be, for now anyway. It's easier to sink away unnoticed, and this is how I like it.

Oct. 11th, 2009

The Struggle with Addiction; What I know about PCP

Do you know someone who’s struggled with addiction? How did it affect your relationship with them?

What I know about PCP.

I don't know why I'm answering this question. I haven't checked up on this blog in a really long time due to a lot of things going on in my life. I get so busy sometimes, and I really wish i could write more, because in reality I actually have a lot of things to say.

Well anyway, to answer this question posed by livejournal and the one and only MTV, I DO know someone who has struggled with addiction in a very peculiar way. This summer, when I went home to NY for college, I started hanging around the guy I was dating there and his cousin Billy. Whenever I'm home, i do a lot of drugs, primarily pot, but this summer things got a little different. I started smoking PCP a lot. Like every day a lot. I know a lot of you reading this think it's really bad, but the truth is the drug isn't as awful as everyone makes it out to be, IN MODERATION. I feel that some of the most spiritual experiences I've ever had were the result of PCP. It effects everyone differently, so you may not feel this if you try it, but everything suddenly collided into one. Yes and No suddenly meant the same thing, and what was so weird about it was I could explain why they were the same. This was especially true for the concepts of good and evil. I figured out there really is no such thing as good and evil, there's only motivation, which is propelled by some need inside. And for everything we label "bad" there's something good, and vise versa. Whatever. My understanding of time was also askew. 5 minutes felt like 2 hours, it was so weird. I felt like I was sinking, my body turned into water, I could feel the sofa i was lying on, the carpet underneath it. I slipped down through the vent and could hear Billy playing his guitar downstairs, i was closer than i could have been in real life. It confused me though, because I was still in my same place on the couch, unable to get up or move, but the world was more alive and real than it ever had been. When I finally got up, my legs were carrying me along, but I couldn't connect them to my brian; I felt like I was floating. My boyfriend got super strong, he could pick me up and twirl me around in one hand above his head. It scared me a little bit because his motor skills were clearly impaired, and he could have dropped me, but he didn't. I don't know why I'm rambling on this subject, as it's unimportant.

I don't feel that i was every physically addicted to this drug, but my mind started to crave it, crave the way it transformed the world. Even though I never went searching for it, I could never say no when it presented itself to me. Right now, talking about it, I feel the impulse to pick up a black bag and burn it down with some weed. It'd be lovely.

Anyway, my friend Billy, Ernie's cousin, started to do it more than just everyday. Honestly, I don't exactly know how often he smoked the stuff, but it soon became apparent he had a serious problem. He would find any excuse to do it, and he would beg and beg and beg until you agreed, and it was hard to say no anyway. He started talking about the strangest things, believing he was the devil and god all in one. He kept saying there were aliens in his head, and the government was out to get him because of his drug use. I felt like Ernie and I fed into his problem by constantly allowing it.

One night, he got weirder than usual. We all smoked PCP, ernie, me and this guy named Jut who became semi retarded when he was stabbed 29 times. On his long walk home, Jut called Billy, for god knows why, and Billy kept saying "come to me, I want you, I need you, come to me" over and over again. When we asked him to whom he was speaking and he replied "God."

This was really weird, but we ignored it because we didn't want to tick him off, and lately he had become increasingly irritable. Ernie and I both felt uncomfortable, and sat there in silence. Eventually Billy started pacing back and forth, and then he went into the bathroom for a while, and he started chanting to certain Gods whom he believed were going to help him. When he came out of the bathroom, half an hour later, he told us all how he spoke to the gods and they told him he had to fix the windows (it was his job to fix windows, as he was a glaicer.) That night, Ernie and I decided we were gonna stop doing PCP, and I'd love to say we stuck to it, but we didn't. After a few days, we gave into Billy's pleading and just started smoking the stuff again. Eventually, Billy got so crazy we had to stop. A few days later, he painted his red car black to stop the cops/government officials from following him. I could keep going, and I'm sure that you are all getting bored to bits with this, so I'm going to get straight to the point. After bouncing on his mother's car (he's 32 btw) screaming "I'm going to kill my dadddy" repeatedly, he drove off to his own house and drove his car through the French doors of his basement. And yeah. Off to the loony bin, and he's been in a paranoid schitzophrenic state ever since. Very sad, actually. He was, at one point, reasonably intelligent, and he liked to talk about the world and what it is comprised of. He had a wife who left about a year prior to this, and a daughter, who he's lost custody of. I feel terrible, but this is what it has done.

As for myself, I do not remember the last time I did PCP, but around the time Billy's mental state became apparent to the rest of the world we stopped. We knew it was the drugs that put his mind that way, and we wanted to avoid it. I'd be lying though if I said I don't ever crave it, in fact, I crave it all the time. Some days, i'd love nothing more than to snuggle up with a blunt of PCP, and write my poetry. Never again will i do this, but I am answering this question honestly, this is what addiction does, addiction of this drug anyway.

I haven't spoken to Billy in months, and nor has his cousin Ernie. We can't, he got too crazy for us, and we had a falling out. I wish him well, but I know he played a terrible role in my life, I'm thankful I got out when I did, before any serious problems arose because of it. I feel that my life now has not been affected in any way by the drug. Maybe I would have been fine, because I never felt anything such as this pyschosis coming on, but you never know. This is not shit to be messed with, and I'm thankful it's no longer a part of my life.

Feb. 28th, 2009


So the other day, I went into work, and I saw this sitting in front of the job:

WHY would anyone need one of those for personal use? That is why we have a pollution problem in our cities. It's that dude, right there. You can see the car next to it. That car is little, and normal. My boyfriend, who is 6'5, couldn't see into the trunk. There's something wrong with that. Good god. Also, it was really funny watching the dude back up, he almost hit the car behind him (which happened to be my boyfriends). Came within an inch. I go into work, and I find out he's a body builder. Overcompensating with something with all this extra manliness? Maybe I'm being a little mean, but the dude honked at me for taking its picture. Jesus.

Feb. 26th, 2009

locked up

I almost forgot about this blog thing I was writing, and then for some reason I decided to take a peek. I might as well post more often. Why not tell random strangers about the random nothingness that encompasses my life?

I've been real super stressed lately. I got in a bit of trouble with the law, that i'd love to tell you all about, but I'm afraid you'd judge me on it. Urgh okay fine... I got caught shoplifting, 135 dollars worth of merchandise, and I got arrested and everything! It was terrible! I figured theyd just let me pay for the stuff right there, and walk out, which is what I was going to do, but nope! The man who apprehended me in the store said was such a jerk. In his very high feminine voice he said "we even prosecuted a ten year old one time, hehe!" I wanted to kick him. Clearly he has NO IDEA what it's like to go to jail. This is something that should happen for serious crimes only, but it doesn't. One girl really stuck out in my mind. I never got her name. She was this adorable little 27 year old black girl. I met her when they first sent me in there, and I was crying and stuff, and she saw how terrified I was, and said she was like that her first time in. I asked her what she did. She said that when she was working as a stripper she met her ex who was very wealthy, 50, and white. Of course, he got her pregnant. WHen they broke up, he decided for reasons unknown to me (we talked about drug abuse and she denied every doing very much of anything) that she was not worthy of having any custody over the child. SO what does she do? She rams her vehicle into his garage door, out of anger, the day she was served with the custody papers. They put her on probation, and she forgot to come in, so they said they were gonna go and arrest her. So she bounced! The girl was on the run for over a year. Poor thing! I felt awful. Said she hadn't seen her daughter in a really long time. I don't know anything other than what she told me, but she seemed super sweet, and I couldn't see how the law was fair to her. Maybe she wasn't fit to be a mother, i don't know, but they could have done SOMETHING to allow her visitation rights, or at the very least have been a bit understanding as to why she did what she did. And as far as the actual crime goes, who can blame her? I would have done that and then some. And the whole process of actually being in the jail took for fucking ever. Just to book you it TAKES 2 HOURS OF PAPERWORK. That's right, you don;t just get booked right away. And then you wait for about 8 hours where they dont give you water (I was in a room for myself and I asked for some and they basically told me tough shit) for your arraignment. This is where they tell you what your bond is. Mine was $500 for a misdemeanor B. My boyfriend came and paid it right away, thank the lord, but I still had to wait another 6 HOURS before I got released. I was there from 8pm that night till 11 am the next morning. 15 hours. And this is what our taxes are going towards? The criminal justice system is TERRIBLE.

I know what you're thinking, that I shouldn't have done it, and YES I AM WELL AWARE OF THIS ASPECT but at the same time, what the hell? How can someone reform with this system. Half of the people there won't be able to get jobs later on because of their crimes. There are a shitton of people who cannot make a better life for themselves because they're locked into this wasteful system. I'm not an Obama fan, but I really think this is something he should look into. A huge percentage of Americans have had their lives destroyed thanks to this crap. I understand there is a need for the jail and its system, but I think they take it too far sometimes, and theres a lot of people out there who can't fix their lives because of it.

After all, we're all humans and make mistakes. I think the law has trouble seeing this.

Nov. 23rd, 2008

(no subject)

This is a picture of my bowl, filled with weed. I have decided that I want to stop.

my feet. In case you wanted to see them.

The rain on the window made the picture all distorted.

ice breakers and jalapeno peppers.

Jun. 18th, 2008

(no subject)

4chan.org has been shut down. Moot fucking did it! Now when you click on /b/ there are no posts, only the form to insert a new post that never appears.. and says "this is our final mission"

This is a very sad day indeed.

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